i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
