my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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