So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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