she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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