Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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