I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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