I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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