mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
