This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
