And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
