dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
