This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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