Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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