the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
