There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
