yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
