Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
