I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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