I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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