my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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