Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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