so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
