ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
