this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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