You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
