Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
