Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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