i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
