You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
