I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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