is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
