I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
