i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
