woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
