Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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