he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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