An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
