he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
