she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
