i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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