I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
