I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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