Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
