you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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