remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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