Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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