No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
