So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
