when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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