do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
