We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
