She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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