i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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