please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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