It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
