at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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