awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
