Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
