upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
