im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
