he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
