woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
this hospital has no fireball
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
