worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
