Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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