So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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