god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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