When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
