i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
