Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
