Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
