Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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