I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
