Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
