was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Go christen that room with your naked body.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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