doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
