he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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