Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
