somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
