Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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