Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
