you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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