You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
