obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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