it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
