I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
