I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
